Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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