And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
pop tarts are not kleenex
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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