tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
