Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
