thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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