I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
