lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
