I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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