you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
