She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize