You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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