We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
