Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
