u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
