She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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