one might say we're banned from that church
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
