Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
