: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
