I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Who died my cat blue again?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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