she was so not down for the gang bang
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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