Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
