Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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