Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
