I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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