Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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