Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
