Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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