a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
