the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just pee around me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
