In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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