I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
