She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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