I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Terrible idea I love it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
