I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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