weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
