He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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