Got a toothbrush?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
