; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
