Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
