I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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