Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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