Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
