I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize