o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
