Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
