She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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