Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
