This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
