Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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