Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
