Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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