when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
