dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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