Already got asked if we're dating
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
