The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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