i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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