it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
