Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
