Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
