Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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