My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
