My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
