Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
