You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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