glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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