I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
