im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
