A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You are a genius and a whore.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize