She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
zippers are such a cool invention
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
