he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
